Runaway/Loneliness. [102410]

vulnerable (adjective) capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt.
lonely (adjective) affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.

after watching kanye west's runaway video, i absolutely fell in love with him over again. the video was so artistically beautiful. i got goosebumps, my spine tingled, my eyes cried from the beauty. my heart was touched. i haven't seen something so phenomenal in years. the video absolutely stole my heart.
"baby i got a plan, runaway as fast as you can." -kanye west.

why am i so lonely? is it the vulnerability that affects me so? my heart bleeds and pumps tears of pain knowing that i can't be yours, since you have a new girl. it's always been like this.. why couldn't i have been your "perfect girl?" why couldn't it have been me? i know we said if it was meant to be, it would happen. but can i really wait that long? i always thought we'd be like the movies. you know, fall in love & grow old together & live happily ever after.. but we all know lovesick fairy tales are juss imaginary stories. i wish i could believe in our make believe but it couldn't last.. too many obstacles that we couldn't jump over together. maybe we were juss unwilling to make a difference. i don't know what it is. but i always tend to be REJECTED.. indirectly & directly. you know me oh so well but you can't see that it hurts to know that you do & i can't even talk to you the same way i used to anymore.. past is past yeah, but that doesn't mean it can flood you with the amazing memories you once had..

i feel like sometimes i'm juss too independent, making me vulnerable to guys who have potential to have something with me.. maybe i juss want a guy who would complete that empty void where you should be.. but what can i do?
"waiting on you for so long, too many days since january.." -drake.

-jenn-tacular;

"runaway from it baby."

-kanye west 

Sometimes. [100210]

you know, sometimes, i can't believe i ever liked you. sometimes, i can't believe that you made me fall for your stupid ways. sometimes, i can't believe i thought you actually cared about me. sometimes, i can't believe i thought you actually FELT the same way about me. sometimes, i can't believe i thought you even had EMOTIONS. sometimes, i can't believe to think that we might've had something.

sometimes, i can't believe i put effort into nothing when i thought deep down i was putting effort into something. absolutely blinded.. or maybe juss selective on what i want to feel & see & believe. selective on certain parts of the truth. selective on things about you. all i saw were the "good" things. when clearly the cons overshadowed your pros. i should've been more careful, listened to what they said. but no, i'm a stubborn child & refuse to let any of that be the reason of what i do. i needed to experience the pain & hurt myself, the ones that i'm gonna feel many times in the future. even though that shouldn't happen.

sometimes, i can't believe any guy would ever want to talk to me. i'm juss jenny. a 16 year old girl with a wild mind of her own. i'm not the prettiest crayon in the 64 pack with the cool sharpener.. but i'm more reliable & i guarantee you that i got charisma & personality. but whatever makes you choose her over me is up to you. sometimes, i can't have everything i want. it kinda sucks, but that's how life is.

sometimes, i still think about you.
sometimes, i wish you'd get out of my mind so i can think peacefully.
sometimes, i want to cry & ask why did you do that to me.

sometimes, that isn't enough.

-jenn-tacular;

"Cus you're the cigarette. & I'm the smoker."

-Miguel Jontel