i've been struggling a lot lately with everything. friends, family, school, maintaining a social life, sleep deprivation. & you know, that special person. or whatever. you know, the usual things a teenager goes through.
so about the FRIENDS slice of my life pie. like this [retarded lmfao] video that my bestfriend angel showed me, [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXkdUgVcV7w], i'm not here for convenient friendships. if you want me in your life, i'ma stay. but stop wondering in & out of my life for when it's convenient for you. i get tired of having to constantly see you disappear in & out of my life. i'm not here for that. i'm here cus i care for you & cus i actually try to be a good friend. i know sometimes it may not seem like it, but i do try. i know it may not look like i'm putting in effort, oh but i am. it's juss difficult for me to go be "amazing" when i'm under so much stress it feels like i can barely breathe. so give a chick a break could ya? friends come & go. real ones stick through thick & thin. no matter how bad the situation. no matter how bad they've gotten themselves in a tangle, if you really were a friend & you really cared for this person, you stick by their side like superglue. yes, you get frustrated. yes, sometimes you want to kill that person. but you have to also think, if they were real friends, wouldn't they do the same for you if you suddenly hit rock bottom? thick & thin. i know it sounds cliche. but it's damn true to the core.
now when it comes to FAMILY, i love them. yes i really do. well it depends. me loving you doesn't have to be mandatory love. you gotta earn my love & juss cus you're family doesn't mean that i'm gonna automatically love you. you show me respect, trust, honesty. that's when i show love back. cus that means you earn it. being honest & showing respect isn't that hard. which basically means, stop talking shit about me right in front of my face. or behind my back & let me find out later. that's straight up disrespectful towards your bloodline. did your mother NOT teach you manners?
as for SCHOOL, things have gotten a little out of hand. now i haven't seen my report card even though everyone has seemed to received theirs, i think i've failed a couple classes. i'm not sure.. but yeah. plus i'm taking summer school original credit to get ahead. maybe have off campus my senior year? lol. or maybe take that dual credit stuff for college credit cus i wanna get as many college credits i can out of the way. or at least have off campus so i can rest my senior year & be lazy & sleep in & all that good stuff. lol. but honestly.. i'm not sure if i wanna take this original credit stuff next year. :/ it's a real drag on my summer. i mean they EXTENDED the damn original credit shit. we're stuck there till july 13th?! really?! man chavez, i DO have a life [kinda].
some GOALS i have this summer. i really want to get my id, get a job, learn how to drive. all that crap you learn when you're 16 ya know? i mean if i could get a job around my area, that would help my family out greatly. plus it'd benefit me cus i like stuff. & stuff costs money lol. learn how to drive this summer at least decently cus i want to drive to school this upcoming school year. i wanna be independent. do things on my own. i don't like asking & depending on other people for things that i could provide for myself. i also want to hit a 2000 mark in my itunes. i miss my old songs, i really do. :/ so i want them all back! another goal of SUMMER '10, is to go to the vans warped tour. :) i'm excited! i'm ordering tickets this week with my bestiee angel & hopefully i'll have fun & take lots of dumb pics.
now juss a random section of my thoughts of the "influence." if you're straight edge & you don't do that, then good. you keep doing you & don't let nobody stop you from what you're doing. if you do do things under the influence, then well i don't blame you. it's an amazing escape & release. then again, many people do run to those substances for escape. some do it cus they like it. some do it cus they're addicted [& are juss in denial & won't admit it]. some do it cus who knows. we all have our own reasons. i juss want to say, don't judge. it's not you, it's not your health, it's not your body, it's not your actions. so don't worry about what they do. let them do what they do.
well that's all i can think of for now my fans & non fans & people who are reading this juss for the fuck of it. hopefully i'll be blogging more seeing as it's nice to vent to everyone & no one.
-jenn-tacular;
"We all in the race, I'm just another sprinter. If there's no finish line, then who's the real winner?"
-Lil Wayne
