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Ask me anything personal or stupid. http://formspring.me/jennydqnguyen

In Lust. [012910]

do you love someone for who they are.. or what they can give you? i think i love a person for what they can give me.. is that wrong? or maybe i'm juss in total lust all over again cus i'm a little 15 year old girl who doesn't know how to do handle anything maturely and i'm afraid of anything and everything that can bring me down. one major factor is love [well love with another person]. i think i'm so scared of it i've totally shutted it down out of my life. i don't want anything to do with it. i'm so terrified of what it can do to me. but i don't wanna keep running away from it like an idiot. like some simple but thinks she's complicated pathetic girl who doesn't really know what she wants in her life. who's confident but on the inside is hurting like as if someone decided to juss start beating up her heart. i'm tired of running away from it and i juss wanna let it come when it needs to come, do its work, and leave. cus love is never gonna stay. unless they take pieces of you with them. happens to a lot of people. happens to people like me who are all in lust and is blinded by that. happens when you're too scared for it.

-jenn-tacular;

"She's the sweetest taste of sin."

-Ne-Yo

Venting. [012410]

so today i went to kysa's house. now that was crazy. we vented and vented and vented. and we laughed and laughed. tears and laughter. and ketchup lol. we talked about boys.. we found our old notes. the way our minds worked was unbelievable. i wrote so many things. so many words. i was a broken little girl with a complex mind of a broken adult. i dawdled on the littlest things. things bruised me and hurt me. more than they did today. some of the most important people in my life walked outta my life and i'm fine. but why did i write that i couldn't be without them? i guess i lied to myself. i'm fine. i can't believe the fact that i even thought that way was me only a year ago. it seemed like the world's turned upside down on me now. i don't know what to do. i'm back to starting point A and i don't know how to get to B. wherever B is, it sure is hiding well. the guys that were in my heart.. they're still there. right? i don't even know. i was so used and unimportant. i got some doors slammed shut in my face when i tried to run back into people's lives. i even tried breaking down the door. but nothing worked. but now i see that if they don't want me i shouldn't bother. what's the point? if they don't want me. then i'm not gonna bother them anymore. but these notes made me reminisce and i felt guilty. i feel guilty, not regretful. i can't believe i put people through all that shit. through all the lies and the emotions and the breakdowns. it's funny how i wanted someone to care. when they all do. maybe not as much as i'd like. but they do. a little. everyone cares for me. they juss don't know how to love me. at the end of the day, i juss want someone that i can love. instead of running around from guy to guy. to fella to fella. instead of actually being able to have someone to love after the day's done. i don't have anyone. i'm sick of it. i'm lovesick. i don't know what it's like to love anymore. sometimes i feel like there are people who try but they don't put enough effort into it. my mind's been in a tangle. a jungle of thoughts. a maze of memories. i can't seem to find the way out. there has to be a way out of this misery i've put myself into. a way out of this unnecessary low i've resorted to. i'm tired of the headaches and migraines. i'm tired of being used. sick of being abused. i wanna be complete again. i've forgotten what it was like to actually wake up every morning okay and smiling and to go to sleep every night smiling and satisfied. i want that feeling of wholeness. damn.

-jenn-tacular;

"Baby I just don't get it. Do you enjoy being hurt?"

-Mario

Drop It Low Girl! [011910]

that song is so catchy lol. and annoying.

well anyways, man i'ma try to have a good week this week. fuck all the problems. shrug em off! i'ma have a good week fuck it all. fuck all the boys and problems. it's whatever the fuck i want this week. i'm tired of itt. reallyy.

-jenn-tacular;

"The baddest bitch in the club right here."

-Ester Dean

Uhhhh. [011710]

okay so i've decided that since i can't keep up with this blog daily as i'd like. i'll do it every other day when i have time or when i have things on my mind. hopefully that's not bad. lol. i think i can keep up with that.

so kysa's party last night.. well. let's juss say there was like sex on the dance floor and fuckin' through clothes. too much booty for me and too much sex on the dance floor. i didn't like it. oh well. some other time i guess.

so have you ever heard of the seven deadly sins? wrath, envy, gluttony, pride, greed, lust, and sloth. surely you've heard of some? i remember they were on america's next top model on one of the seasons. well i'd pretty much have to say that if i were ever to believe in god, i'd go to hell lol. i get constantly mad or pissed at the littlest things [wrath]. i'm jealous of the things that people have that i don't have [envy]. i eat and eat and eat. sometimes.. okay most of the time i don't share [gluttony]. sometimes i'm a little too confident. sometimes i show off [pride]. i'm lazy [sloth]. i'm one selfish person [greed]. and ahhh. well i'd have to say lust would be my deadliest sin. i'm always lusting. for something. someone. especially people. maybe i juss want sex. maybe i'm a whore. i don't know. but i juss want want want want want want things. lust after them. and that's the reason why i can never love.

-jenn-tacular;

"But I was thinking about you and it kinda made me smile."

-Rihanna

Quite Forgetful, Aren't We? [011210&011310&011410]

well i haven't been keeping up to date with my blog..
not cool of me i know i know i know. but you see, my computer stopped working on the 12th. so that wasn't cool. //: the 12th was the worst day i've had a while. bullshit excuses and cold weather don't really mix with me. the 13th was a blur. and so was today. i guess cus i've been really tired lately. and cus my brother has been irritating me more than lately. and well, what can i say? i don't have much to say. juss hope the guys win the game tonight that's all. and we actually washed their clothes right today. hahaha. can't wait till this saturday though. that's what i'm lookin forward to. kysa's 16. :) oh btw, happy birthday kysa! i'ma have lots of fun at yerr party juss you wait and see. :D

-jenn-tacular;

"But how we move from A to B, it can't be up to me. Cus you don't know who I was before you."

-Drake

It Is Too Cold. [011010 & 011110]

well i forgot to write yesterday.. again.
so i don't really remember what happened.
hahahaha.

but yeah today.. my day was aiight. i had a coffee. it was like.. i dunno. to calm me down. i think i needed it. and well i was reallyyyyyyy smiley throughout the whole day cus i was on the phone with someone for 2 hours last night. (: i guess that really made my day today. but then.. i got reminded of some things from the past. and i know i always say i shouldn't dwell in the past. but i couldn't help it this time. i wanna cry so bad. and i dunno. i hope HE knows what tmrw is.. the 12th. i dunno why i'm even venting about it. why do i care if he remembers? i mean. it's not like i matter all that much anymore. we barely talk. i'm not completely over him. and well he has a new girl. why should i matter? i'm juss another ex in his collection.. you don't tell a girl she's the one and leave her. it hurts. a lot. i still hurt till this day. i wish i would really stop. sometimes i want it to juss go away. but it always comes back like a chronic disease. and well.. does it matter anymore? why should i even be thinking about it? why am i even writing about it. i'm so fuckin'.. stupid.

and what's with all these guys liking me?! can't i juss not have a guy all over my pussy? and some of my flirts too. some of em need to back off and give me my space.. and like. i dunno. why why why whyfsdljaflsktjh iowkfriwhtk3ltio234wufu34o0fji3wti3ojgi3jgio34hiogjiohgwjgio2hgt2jiltjgiqlkjg34l.

-jenn-tacular;

"I'm too attached my heart won't let me fall back. I got it bad, that's what you can call that."

-Bow Wow