Juss Writing. [032710]

i won't list names. but they should know who they are.
if i put a blank in this is cus i don't want their business all out there.
you guys understand right?

i wrote this on march 25th. in the shower.

remember how we used to be?
together happily when you started talking in january.
you were like drake, saying i was the best you ever had.
said everyday without me was always bad.
you said i love you, was this real?
did you really feel the way i feel?
then you went out with her, the first time you hurt me.
cried so much told myself it wasn't meant to be.
stopped talking, didn't wanna hear from you.
cus you were so happy with her, what could i do?
then you guys break up, you come running back.
can't believe you reeled me back in, juss like that.
finally went out in the month of july.
but i felt things go downhill, then 2 weeks flew by.
said you couldn't do it, hoped i understand.
i said i wouldn't cry, but you weren't my man.
it didn't hurt as much that time, i expected it really.
like i said, we weren't meant to be together clearly.
2 weeks after, a new girl again.
what could i say? to you she was a perfect 10.
you guys ended, came running back once more.
then again i felt my heart tore.
but a month or so later, a new girl, another.
________ was her name, a pretty face like no other.
i told you she wasn't your type but who was i to judge?
ehh, maybe it ws cus i still held a grudge.
recently you guys broke up, it didn't work out.
am i juss a rebound? apparently that's what it was about.
you said you forgot what love was.
but said i could remind you cus.
in your heart i was your unofficial girl outta all the girls.
always had a smile that shined brighter than pearls.
you even thought of having kids.
thought we'd last forever, at least i thought we did.
but how can i keep up when all i do is suffer.
i know pretty soon you're gonna find another "lover."
i guess it's the distance that's keeping us from us.
cus of you i can't love, all i do is lust.
i always think back to the night of march 23rd.
i poured out my feelings & you heard.
what i said but it didn't sink into your head.
at least it didn't seem like it, maybe it did.
i hate how you act like nothing happened.
you were always in demand, always the captain.
i'd listen cus you had me sprung like t-pain.
but everything that's happened has happened in vain.
but today's the 25th of mach, morning of the 26th, 2010.
if you asked i wouldn't start over again.
cus i'm not putting up with the tears & heartache.
i don't wanna keep smiling smiles of the fake.
cus i'm still wounded to this day.
everything juss went the wrong way.

-jenn-tacular;

"Have you ever wondered, why I always keep coming back for more?"

-ATB

Caught In A Bad Romance. [031510]

i'm not even in a romance. or at least not that i know of.

i'm gettin' so tired of people all over my case cus of some that happened in the past. i mean we live in the present, why is there a need to shove things from the past in people's faces? especially when you know that that shit has hurt them. i mean you should juss drop the subject. why bring it up if they aren't good memories?

all i can say is that, please don't shove things from the past in my face if you know that it displeases me. i mean why? what's the point? to piss me off? i know pissin' me off is fun but juss chill people. it's nothing to bring up. it's not a topic to talk about.

these guys are all over my case cus of some that happened. i didn't even mean for it to happen. it juss happened. if i could, i'd take it all back, but apparently i can't. oh well. hop off my pussy.

also, i'm so tired of being such a good person. what have i gotten in return? besides the ice cream. why can't people show me any decency back?

-jenn-tacular;

"Baby you gave up, you gave up."

-Lady Gaga

Maybe It's Nothing At All. [030510]

i'm so tired of acceptin' things that really bother me. i mean if it bothers me that much i should juss speak up right? but noo, i don't wanna be lectured at. i wanna avoid fights & whatnot. it's not my fault really. but what can i do? wouldn't you wanna avoid stuff like that too? avoidin' all the fights & drama. all the emotions fightin' at each other. & the time wasted basically. & then this drake song got me thinking. man, can whatever i have with any guy be SOMETHING? at all? or is it all nothing? cus i'm so tired of being left here lonely & abandoned. my heart is in deep hurt, wound too deep to heal. can't do anythin' about that either. it's always gonna be there to stare & laugh at me. remind me how foolish i've been. how blind i've been. how naive i was to believe it all.

-jenn-tacular;

"This could be something."

-Drake

Relations, Not Relationships. [022710]

maritza's 16 later on today, now that's whassup.

it's amazing how people change over time, even if it's unintentional. it's amazing how people can be such a different person from when you first met them. i juss hope that one day things get back onto good terms. i never meant to hurt you. & in the end i guess i did. giving you headaches & stress. i don't mean it, i really don't. & yerr close to me, i consider you a major impact in my life. so i'd hate to see the day that we drift apart with me sitting at home with a half gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream crying & watching some lovesick movie. i'd hate to see the day you walk outta my life as if you were walkin' the red carpet. i mean life isn't fair, yes we all know this, but there are juss some things you wanna be selfish about & keep. can i juss say one of those things is you?

relations. not relationships. i mean if yerr all for a relationship, go for it, have fun & give that other person all the love you can give. but if yerr not that type of person. then go all for relations. don't put yerrself through relationship problems if it's not yerr thing. it's understandable to not want to commit.

wondering how life's gonna be as soon as another year ends & starts. question yerrself, what have we all become? if you were to meet yerrself today, would you even know who you are?

-jenn-tacular;

"I call them April babies, because they fools."

-Lil Wayne

Today I Was The Ballgirl. [021710]

hahahaha, that was so funny. i got handle balls the whole game. but damn did they make me run.

so today what's on my mind is that, why people ask you some but in the end they act like they don't give a fuck. if yerr gonna ask me some, and in the end so oh cool or oh that's nice, then don't fuckin' ask. simple. i hate how when i ask people some i actually try & talk about the subject. but when they ask me, they're juss like oh that's nice. oh cool. don't fuckin' ask me some if yerr gonna juss be sayin' that. unless you got a good reason like, yerr dog died or i ate yerr dog or some. i also hate it when people change the subject on me. don't ignore what i say. don't act like you didn't hear what i said. if you don't wanna talk about it. i'll drop it. juss say you don't wanna talk about it & we're fine, i'll drop it right there. is that so hard?!

-jenn-tacular;

"Turn me on with your electric feel."

-MGMT

I'm So Damn Frustrated. [021310]

happy anti-valentine's day btw.

seein' all the valentine's stuff yesterday at school made me kinda sick, it's bad enough that i'm jealous of people who are capable to love, but havin' them show off as well made me juss wanna take all that stuff & burn it. all the huge 'i love you' bears & all the flowers & chocolates. it's not like i'ma have a valentine this year. i never so why should i look forward to it? at least chinese new year's is tmrw. money is all i'm lookin' forward to righ now. juss the money i guess.

& plus the fact that i'm so frustrated at the world. everything i come in contact with pisses me off in way or another. sometimes people can't even understand the most simplest shit that i say & it makes me mad. i guess i'm frustrated from being frustrated. uhm.. did that make sense?

& then there's all these guys that are juss bringin' me down. unintentionally of course. but still it's tirin' havin' to drag them around too, i can't sleep well & that's all that's ever on my mind, juss all those guys, & yes i'm aware that it makes me sound like a hoe, but i call it keepin' my options open. sometimes i wish guys weren't so hard to figure out, like a 1000 piece puzzle, i got some pieces connected, but most of em aren't.

also, why does everyone's gf have a problem with me? what the fuck did i ever do to them? i never did shit & they're all over here talkin' shit about me, throwin' me dirty looks, all cus i talk to their man? i don't even talk to them in that way so i don't see why they trippin' & callin' me a damn hoe or bitch. i'm tired of havin' problems with females that i never did anythin' to.

all these things causin' me stress. friends, family, school, guys. i guess it's juss my lifestyle to be busy & occupied & stressed. i juss wanna go cry.

-jenn-tacular;

"How can something so familiar be so strange?"

-Timbaland

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